I know, I know, it’s terribly cliché. The number one tip given at bridal showers. The first thing said to the happy couple at wedding receptions. Every marriage therapist’s favorite phrase. Perhaps it’s just repeated so often because it’s profoundly, insightfully true.
There are an infinite amount of little things to become annoyed over in any relationship. Beds left unmade, trashcans left un-emptied, dates cancelled, off-handed remarks made, pet peeves repeated. However, most (if not all) of these little things can be talked over and worked out in a very short amount of time.
Trouble only occurs when communication doesn’t take place . . . and then that something that was once merely annoying turns into something unforgivable.
If you value a happy and healthy relationship, learn to stop such a build-up of negative emotion prior to it ever occurring. Before small annoyances bubble up into a volcano of discontent, talk it out. Voice your concerns, listen to the other person’s side, and save yourself a whole lot of later heartache.
And then, go to sleep happy. You’ve earned it.
Can’t disagree more with this. When I first married and we were young, we had tried to follow this advice. Often the fight had only come about because we were both tired and lacked enough sleep. We would stay up till sometimes even 3 am discussing and not agreeing. As we got more tired, we both would become even more hard headed finally going to bed only because we were so tired that we couldn’t stay awake. Then we would wake up tired and go to work more mad at each other blaming each other for being tired. We found going to bed early on a night where we had a fight was better. We got more rest. Often we would try to pray for each other and when we awoke the next morning we would be more rested and often more forgiving. Yes we were still mad at each other but more willing to give in and see the others point of view.
I believe there is research for and against the “don’t go to bed angry” approach to handling marital conflict. As a dispute resolution specialist, I have learned that there is no cook-book answer for any couple; dispute resolution techniques must be adapted to meet the personalities of parties involved and the dynamics of the relationship being dealt with. In a nutshell, for some, going to bed angry may be the best option, depending on the circumstance, while for others, it may not.
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